I never thought I'd be 27. As a young girl, and even as a teen, life just fit. I was in the process of living out my dreams. They were still yet to be fulfilled. They were going to come true. It felt so right. But now, at 27, my dreams seem like unreachable fantasies... bygones.
I would write one day, I told young self! I would be published, and people would read the works of my imagination! It was going to be so easy.
I would play guitar like Clapton! Sure I wasn't born with that unfathomable talent that some kids have for music, but I loved it more than anything and I would be dedicated and focused. I would learn!
I would lose weight. I'd stop being the semi-active overweight girl. I would lose weight and I would dance! I LOVE to dance... I always had the moves, I just didn't have the body. But it would happen. Life would work.
Then I got to be 23. 24. 25. Now I'm 27. Still overweight, still blocked up when I write, still playing amateur guitar and singing different words to the same 8 or 9 chords I know. I see movies about young people live out their dreams. My heart races like it did when I was young myself and what I was watching were possibilities. Then the credits role and I'm 27, sitting in a chair, watching movies about amazing kids 5, maybe 10 years younger than me, doing all the things I dreamed about... dream about still.
Some dreams have died because they had to. I murdered them with my unwillingness to move. But I want to write. I want to play. I want to dance! So I'm beginning a journal... no, a long song rather. I will reveal, everyday, my place in my journey. It will hold me accountable.
No more watching the movies. Or hearing the songs. Or reading the books. I'm going to live my own! I'm going to be the star in my life, the words to my song, the plot in my book. It's time I lived. The Bible says, we are to love, and when we truly love, we will know real life. I have gone so long in my life, unable to truly love me. Because I failed myself. 27 and still not one dream has been fulfilled. And I have been behind the scenes of it all. Master of my fate! I have put the bit in my mouth and pulled back on the reins.
So first, and most importantly (and I will say this out loud also) I hand the reins to the True Master. To God. And ask Him to lead me! I know that He will not pull back so much as me, but rather drive me forward... And when it is time to pull back, He will know when, so much better than me. His motives, are, and have always been, so much more honorable and pure than mine.
And Spirit... make me honest! Real! Transparent! And keep me that way, In Jesus name!
This is the very end of day zero... Which has been a 27 year break in the music of my life song!
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